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Post by Xicrog on Jan 17, 2007 7:55:08 GMT -5
Cliches! Much as I hate them, they happen in video games too. Minor and major SPOILERS abound. See, I put it in all caps so you can't miss it. But moving on...
1. Tidus, I am your father.
If there is any chance, no matter how remote, that the main villan is the hero's father, he is.
2. Natalia, I am your father.
If there is any chance, no matter how remote, that one of the minor villans is one of the main character's father, he is.
2. Jack, why don't you ever call me anymore?
If there is any chance, no matter how remote, that one of the villans is one of the hero's former lover, he or she is.
3. Meredy, I am your mother.
If there is any chance, no matter how remote, that the main female villan is one of the heroes' mother, she is.
4. Jude, I am your deadbeat war criminal dad!
If there is any chance, no matter how remote, that the helpful mercenary/drifter is one of the heroes' fathers, he is.
5. O Grace, where art thou?
If there is any chance, no matter how remote, that one of the hero's siblings will become evil, he or she will.
6. Luke, you are my genetic carbon copy!
If there is any chance, no matter how remote, that one of the villans is somehow related to one of the main characters, he or she is. Expecting something else from that title, were you?
And that's just stuff about family relations in RPGs! I actually have more than that...next post.
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Post by Zylaa on Jan 17, 2007 13:27:55 GMT -5
XD But the video game rules apply to so much fantasy... There was actually one book where all the major characters ended up related to the hero. And it was meant to be serious.
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Post by Xicrog on Jan 17, 2007 17:28:26 GMT -5
Sadly, as much as I love that stupid game, that description sounds rather like Tales of the Abyss if you replace the word "major character" with "villan." Not mentioning any name- wait, I already did. Oops. Anyway, I thought of a few more!
7. Don't fear the reaper.
Even if it is absolutely certain the hero or the hero's girlfriend/heavily implied love interest will die, she/he won't. 'Cause the power of TWOO LUV will bring him or her back. Or something. Ahem. Reala. Luke.
8. Don't fear the reaper collolary
The aforementioned rule doesn't apply to non-heroes or non-hero's love intrests. Sorry, Milhaust, Raquel, you're screwed. And Reala, why couldn't you have brought back more than Judas' mask? The rest of him might have been nice.
9. Ayn Rand strikes back!
The church is evil. The church is always evil.
EXCEPTION: Wild ARMS series
10. Hazardous times to be a parent.
Parent to an RPG hero is a job with a 97.89465 mortality rate.
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ikkin
Villager
In possession of an angry phoenix. Very dangerous. Do not cross.
Posts: 73
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Post by ikkin on Jan 21, 2007 0:36:41 GMT -5
11. Hey, look, it's a magical sparklypoo transformation! Must... not... attack...
No matter how long the hero's power up/transformation takes, all the enemies will stand by and watch helpless, and then get slaughtered easily due to the extra power.
EXCEPTION: Azula from Avatar: the Last Airbender.
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Post by Xicrog on Jan 21, 2007 8:44:46 GMT -5
11. Hey, look, it's a magical sparklypoo transformation! Must... not... attack...No matter how long the hero's power up/transformation takes, all the enemies will stand by and watch helpless, and then get slaughtered easily due to the extra power. EXCEPTION: Azula from Avatar: the Last Airbender. *snicker* Disgaia: Hour of Darkness parodied this rule in the funniest way possible. Etna, one of the main characters, attacked the Prism Rangers (guess who they're a parody of) during their transformation sequence...with a machine gun. But I disgress... 12. And now, you shall die!At least once in an RPG, there will be a battle against someone you cannot possibly win for storyline reasons. Funniest example of this was in the Tales of Destiny Remake when Leon would automatically end the battle with Jyouha Messhyouen (or however it's spelled) and all your characters would die. Even if they weren't in range of the attack. 13. Reverse Social DarwinismThe highly advanced society will always have been wiped out several hundred years before the beginning of the game. 14. Somebody fire these interior designers!Perhaps the reason why the highly advanced society was wiped out is because all of their buildings require solving a ridicuously complex block or switch puzzle to get through. They all died because they couldn't get out of the building when there was a fire! |
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Post by katanal on Jan 21, 2007 13:30:22 GMT -5
hah! we were talking about this friday in relation to #14 lol and remember in ff....7? when you're running up the stairs in that one building and everyone's like "pant pant. why the heck are there so many stairs" and everyone's falling over and stuff.  and ff x and xii -- all those darn glyph teleporters. especially in the last dungeons. and i will never forgive square for putting me through the rediculous ordeals that are the trials of the chamber of fayth. |
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Post by Xicrog on Jan 21, 2007 21:44:58 GMT -5
I had an epiphany today and have figured out why in the TOD remake everyone dies from Leon's Jyouha Messhyouen even if they are on the opposite side of the screen from him. They clearly are overwhelmed by his pink-cape-wearing Pow Hammer-using sardonic awesomeness. And fall over unconcious.
...It made sense in my head. But I didn't think the Chamber of the Fayth trials were all that bad. The only problems I ever had was if I got lost. Really, those puzzles are nothing compared to the stuff Wild ARMS games put you through. Millenium Puzzles...gah. I've been meaning to finish that subquest for almost four months. But I don't have the inspiration to do so.
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Post by Xicrog on Feb 4, 2007 17:22:16 GMT -5
Double post, but I finally thought of a few more.
15. What's that up in the sky? Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Irving's mansion!
Anything in an RPG can be used as a transportation device, including mansions, schools, castles, and cities.
16. Dude looks like a lady
Expect at least one playable male character to greatly resemble a woman or girl. If you are playing a Tales or Final Fantasy game, bump that up to two.
WORST CASE SCENARIO: Jade Curtiss from Tales of the Abyss, who was so feminine looking, that Gamespot reffered to him as "a serious military woman" in a preview. Even though he is neither serious nor a woman.
17. What?! But they survived a three-hundred-foot fall just five minutes ago!
Don't expect battle and field mechanics to carry over to cutscenes.
WORST OFFENDER: Wild ARMS series, the inspiration for the title. Where your characters can repeatedly survive plunges into freezing water, falling into a bottomless pit, having the universe implode on them, and supernovas...but certain characters who won't be mentioned are severly injured by comparitively minor things, like radiation poisoning or being stabbed by a bayonet.
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Post by katanal on Feb 11, 2007 12:32:07 GMT -5
OMG 16 can we say KUJA???    --FFIX |
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Post by Xicrog on Feb 11, 2007 16:59:32 GMT -5
OMG 16 can we say KUJA??? ![]() ![]() ![]() --FFIX *dies* Yesssss. I should have made a rule about feminine villans. Or at least ones with long hair. |
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Post by Xicrog on Aug 14, 2007 9:54:12 GMT -5
18. You can't kill me, I've got a straw!
In almost every RPG- even those that are allegedly dark, like Shadow Hearts- there will be a character who uses an absolutely absurd weapon, like stuffed animals, mailboxes, flowers, cards, straws, writing utensils, books, shoes, alcholic beverage containers, cacti, fireworks, bus stop signs...the list goes on and on.
Bear in mind these people are going up against ridicuously powerful monsters. In Shadow Hearts, I killed the demon king Astaroth with a mechanical flying Fabrege Egg. I really wish I was making that up.
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Elycien
Young Farmboy/girl
Posts: 120
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Post by Elycien on Aug 14, 2007 10:45:41 GMT -5
18. You can't kill me, I've got a straw!In almost every RPG- even those that are allegedly dark, like Shadow Hearts- there will be a character who uses an absolutely absurd weapon, like stuffed animals, mailboxes, flowers, cards, straws, writing utensils, books, shoes, alcholic beverage containers, cacti, fireworks, bus stop signs...the list goes on and on. Bear in mind these people are going up against ridicuously powerful monsters. In Shadow Hearts, I killed the demon king Astaroth with a mechanical flying Fabrege Egg. I really wish I was making that up. I rest my case. XD |
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Post by Xicrog on Aug 14, 2007 11:44:38 GMT -5
18. You can't kill me, I've got a straw!In almost every RPG- even those that are allegedly dark, like Shadow Hearts- there will be a character who uses an absolutely absurd weapon, like stuffed animals, mailboxes, flowers, cards, straws, writing utensils, books, shoes, alcholic beverage containers, cacti, fireworks, bus stop signs...the list goes on and on. Bear in mind these people are going up against ridicuously powerful monsters. In Shadow Hearts, I killed the demon king Astaroth with a mechanical flying Fabrege Egg. I really wish I was making that up. I rest my case. XD I completely forgot about the Keyblades. And that picture is hilarious. XD |
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