Post by Elycien on Jul 30, 2008 18:37:11 GMT -5
... kay. So I wrote this quite a while ago, rediscovered it recently, and thought "you know, this is a Star Wars parody, and so has Flying Toasters written all over it!" Only not actually literally as flying toasters, sadly, make no appearance in this parody.
Bonus funny points are granted to those who know Bleach, but I dunno. It might be funny if you just know Star Wars alone. *shrug*
Cast of Characters: ((with image reference to those who don't know Bleach, just to increase funny points. I hope I don't have to post image references for the Star Wars characters, too.))
Rikichi as Luke Skywalker ((You want a pic of him being serious? fine. He's still a dork though.))
Ichigo as C3PO
Rukia as R2D2
Hanatarou as Han Solo
Kon as Chewbacca
Hinamori as Princess Leia
Byakuya as Obi-Wan Kenobi
Renji as Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker
Urahara as The Emperor ((Oh, wait, I'm sorry. That isn't his scheming face. This is his scheming face. We hope you'll forgive him.))
Aizen as Jabba the Hutt ((are you PARALYZED by his OVERWHELMING POWER?!))
Gin as Boba Fett
Yoruichi as Yoda
Ganju as Lando
The filler mod-souls as the Ewoks
Okay! Now that that's sorted, here's the summary of Bleach Wars x3
Once upon a time there was a boy named Rikichi Skywalker. He wanted to go out into space and have adventures, but he couldn't because he lived on a farm and everyone knows farmboys never have adventures. >.>;;; Anyway, one day he found these droids called 15PO and Ru2D2, but everyone called them Ichigo and Rukia for some reason. Ichigo was taller and had no idea what was going on, and Rukia, while much shorter, was older and knew everything.
One day Rikichi found out that Rukia was carrying a mysterious hologram of a beautiful bun-headed princess. Rikichi got excited and ended up running into the old hermit Kuchiki, whose name was actually Byakuya. Byakuya knew the princess. He also said he had known Rikichi's father and promised to teach Rikichi about The Force. So Rikichi got excited, and they all went off together to save the princess.
They met a smuggler named Hanatarou Solo and his co-pilot Kon who said he would take them on board. (Little did they know that Hanatarou was being pursued by Aizen the Hutt!) They ended up on the space ship called The Hueco Star where the evil Darth Abarai was holding the princess, Princess Momo, hostage. Byakuya said he'd go and figure out a way off the ship. Then Hana and Rikichi overheard something about killing the princess. Rikichi valiantly went off to save her and dragged Hana along.
Hana, Rikichi, Kon, and Momo had many adventures trying to get off the ship and back where they said they'd meet Byakuya. But then Darth Abarai killed Byakuya. Rikichi was sad, but they decided to go and meet the Resistance. Rikichi was very happy then because it was what he'd wanted to do all along, but Hana and Kon were going to leave.
Then, Rikichi was sent on a special mission to destroy the Hueco Star. Although Darth Abarai was chasing him, at the last moment Hana and Kon came back and helped him do it! So Rikichi destroyed the Hueco Star, and he and Hana and Kon won awards and the adoration of all the resistance.
But Darth Abarai still wanted to find Rikichi...
Later on, Hana, Rikichi, Kon, and Momo were staying on an icy planet. Hana was going to leave, again, but then he had to go out and save Rikichi. While Rikichi was unconscious in the snow, he had a vision of Byakuya telling him to go to a planet where a Jedi Master named Yoruichi lived, and she would train him. Then Hana found him. Fortunately, Rikichi survived, but then Darth Abarai came with the Imperial Forces to kill the Resistance! Oh noes! So they all had to evacuate. Rikichi and Rukia went off in their ship to find Master Yoruichi, and Rikichi, Kon, Momo and Ichigo ended up going off in the evacuation only to find that their hyper-drive was broken and they couldn't outrun Darth Abarai's ships. =OOO
So then Rikichi and Rukia landed their ship on a weird jungle-covered planet, despite Rukia saying that they should go to the rendezvous. They met up with Yoruichi, who, despite being small, elderly and green (yep) started to teach Rikichi everything she knew.
Meanwhile, Hana, Kon, Momo, and Ichigo were having problems. They hid from the Imperial ships, and then went off to the nearest planet. It turned out that an old friend of Hana's, Ganju, was the leader of the city they stopped at. He helped them out, but something wasn't quite right for some reason. Kon even found some workers trying to dispose of Ichigo, who'd been dismantled! Kon started trying to fix Ichigo.
Meanwhile, Rikichi was having very tough training under Yoruichi. Then he had a dream about Hana and Momo being hurt. He insisted on leaving, even though Yoruichi and the ghost of Byakuya told him not to.
It turned out that Ganju was actually working for Darth Abarai! He didn't want to, though. He tried to help them, but couldn't. They captured Hana, Kon, and Momo. There was a bounty hunter with him named Gin who wanted to take Hana back to Aizen the Hutt so that he could get a reward. So Hana was tortured and then frozen in hibernation. Gin took Hana back to where Aizen was, and the rest of their friends were too late to save him. Fortunately, Rikichi arrived! He didn't know that this was a trap of Darth Abarai's. He tried to save Hana, Kon, and Momo (and Ichigo who was half-dismantled) but failed to save Hana. Then he got attacked by Darth Abarai, and then Darth Abarai revealed that he was actually Rikichi's father, Renji! Le gasp! Rikichi got an arm cut off, but then he ran away from Renji. Fortunately, he, Kon, Momo, and Ichigo all escaped! He promised he would save Hana from the evil clutches of Aizen the Hutt. He also got a nifty robotic arm. LET'S SAY IT'S AUTOMAIL.
So they all went on a rescue mission. Rikichi sent Ichigo and Rukia to Aizen with a message that he would negotiate for Hana's release, and gave the two of them to Aizen. But Aizen refused. Later that day, a bounty hunter came in with Kon to turn in the bounty. No one knew that the bounty hunter was really Momo! Momo went to set Hana free, and saved him, but then Aizen caught her. Hana went in jail and Momo was made a slave. Luckily, Rikichi came the next day to save the day! He was almost eaten by a monster, but killed it. He and Hana were supposed to be executed, but it turned out that Rukia had Rikichi's light saber, and one of the bounty hunters was really Ganju. Ganju, Rikichi, and Hana fought off all of Aizen's men, including Gin, who died and got eaten. Meanwhile, Momo strangled Aizen. Rikichi flew them all to safety just before the ship blew up with a big, loud boom. =D
Rikichi went back to Master Yoruichi to finish his training, but she died. It was sad. Then he got to talk to the ghost of Byakya. Byakuya told him that Princess Momo was his sister. Rikichi was kind of happy about that. So then Rikichi went back and decided to help destroy Emperor Urahara's evil empire. It turned out that Emperor Urahara had built a new Hueco Star, and they all decided to go kill it because it didn't have any weapons yet.
Rikichi, Hana, and Momo were three of the ones who went to land on Planet Karakura that the Hueco Star was next to, so they could disable the shield generator that protected the Hueco Star so that Ganju could kill it. (Ganju liked to kill things and make them go BOOM.) And so, they went on their adventure. Rikichi was sure that Renji could sense him, and it turns out that Renji actually could, but nothing much else happened and they got in safely. But then things got weird. A bunch of Hollow Troopers saw them, and they had to take them out. All of them got separated, and Momo ended up befriending a tribe of weird little creatures called emods. Later, Rikichi and Hana and Rukia and Ichigo and Kon went searching for her, and they got captured by the emods. All the emods thought that Ichigo was a god and were going to sacrifice Rikichi, Hana, Kon, and Rukia to him, but Rikichi used the Force and Ichigo to make them let them go. They became official members of the emod tribe. Then Ichigo told the emods about their battle, and the emods decided to help them.
Rikichi slipped away after telling Momo she was his sister. Hana completely misunderstood and got his feelings hurt. But the next day it was time to do battle! They went out to surprise the Hollow Troopers, and take down the barrier. Meanwhile, Rikichi turned himself in out of misguided hero-worship for Renji, but Renji promptly gave him to Emperor Urahara, and so Rikichi was all "meh. you suck." Ganju and the other fighters were waiting for the barrier.
Hana, Momo, and Kon fought bravely, but they were captured. It was sad. They didn't have the barrier down on time! Ganju and the rest got caught in a big star battle. Then Ichigo and Rukia led the emods into battle! Or, well, Rukia got Ichigo and Rukia caught so that the emods would protect Ichigo. So the emods were all "WHEEE" and the Hollow Troopers fought them, and they tried to get into the one place to take down the shield generator. Rukia tried to unlock it, but then she got disabled, so Kon had to do it. WOAH TENSION.
Meanwhile, Rikichi was trying to not let Emperor Urahara turn him to the dark side, and trying to get Renji to be nice again. He failed. Finally, he couldn't help it. He took his lightsaber and attacked Emperor Urahara, but Renji defended him. So Rikichi and Renji had this huge light saber battle.
The other group finally managed to stick the bomb in the place, and it blew up. The shield was down! Ganju took his ship in and prepared to take down the Hueco Star.
Rikichi defeated Renji, and Urahara was all "KILL HIM" but Rikichi refused. Then Urahara got impatient and went to tortu-- I mean fight Rikichi himself. He did, and zapped Rikichi with lots of lightning when he wouldn't turn to the Dark Side. But Renji saved him! Renji threw the evil Urahara down a pit and collapsed, because he was dying. He thanked Rikichi for saving him, and then he died. Rikichi was very sad.
Then Ganju's ship blew up the Hueco Star.
Momo and Hana saw it, and were like =D and then Hana was like "I... hope Rikichi-san wasn't on there..." and Momo's like "I know he wasn't." and Hana was still totally misunderstanding.
That night, the emods were having a huge victory party. Actually, just about everyone in the universe was. They were happy and partying, and Momo revealed to Hana, finally, that Rikichi was her brother. Hana and Momo were very happy together. Then Rikichi came in to join the party, fresh from burning Renji's corpse, and was very happy too. He saw the spirits of Byakuya, Yoruichi, and Renji, and they were all like "=D thanks dude you're cool." or, in Yoruichi's case, "dude, thanks. cool, you are." THE END!!!!!!
---
I did the prequels too (all about how Renji went to THE DARK SIDE) but that one's shorter and I had to switch some things because - well - I'm a Rukia/Renji shipper, personally, and I'm sure none of us wants to see Anakin/R2D2. "Luke... I am your father! ... and your mom's R2." "NOOOOOO!" *cough*
This is the cast for that, I might post it later:
Shinji Hirako as Qui-Gon Jinn
Byakuya as Obi-Wan Kenobi
Ichigo as C3PO
Ishida as R2D2 (because ... well, yeah.)
Renji as Anakin
Rukia as Padme
Hiyori as Darth Maul (xDDD this one amuses me)
Aaroniero as Jar-Jar Binks ... I think. Can't remember.
Tousen as Count Dooku
Kira as Leia's foster father whose name I forget >>
Bonus funny points are granted to those who know Bleach, but I dunno. It might be funny if you just know Star Wars alone. *shrug*
Cast of Characters: ((with image reference to those who don't know Bleach, just to increase funny points. I hope I don't have to post image references for the Star Wars characters, too.))
Rikichi as Luke Skywalker ((You want a pic of him being serious? fine. He's still a dork though.))
Ichigo as C3PO
Rukia as R2D2
Hanatarou as Han Solo
Kon as Chewbacca
Hinamori as Princess Leia
Byakuya as Obi-Wan Kenobi
Renji as Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker
Urahara as The Emperor ((Oh, wait, I'm sorry. That isn't his scheming face. This is his scheming face. We hope you'll forgive him.))
Aizen as Jabba the Hutt ((are you PARALYZED by his OVERWHELMING POWER?!))
Gin as Boba Fett
Yoruichi as Yoda
Ganju as Lando
The filler mod-souls as the Ewoks
Okay! Now that that's sorted, here's the summary of Bleach Wars x3
Once upon a time there was a boy named Rikichi Skywalker. He wanted to go out into space and have adventures, but he couldn't because he lived on a farm and everyone knows farmboys never have adventures. >.>;;; Anyway, one day he found these droids called 15PO and Ru2D2, but everyone called them Ichigo and Rukia for some reason. Ichigo was taller and had no idea what was going on, and Rukia, while much shorter, was older and knew everything.
One day Rikichi found out that Rukia was carrying a mysterious hologram of a beautiful bun-headed princess. Rikichi got excited and ended up running into the old hermit Kuchiki, whose name was actually Byakuya. Byakuya knew the princess. He also said he had known Rikichi's father and promised to teach Rikichi about The Force. So Rikichi got excited, and they all went off together to save the princess.
They met a smuggler named Hanatarou Solo and his co-pilot Kon who said he would take them on board. (Little did they know that Hanatarou was being pursued by Aizen the Hutt!) They ended up on the space ship called The Hueco Star where the evil Darth Abarai was holding the princess, Princess Momo, hostage. Byakuya said he'd go and figure out a way off the ship. Then Hana and Rikichi overheard something about killing the princess. Rikichi valiantly went off to save her and dragged Hana along.
Hana, Rikichi, Kon, and Momo had many adventures trying to get off the ship and back where they said they'd meet Byakuya. But then Darth Abarai killed Byakuya. Rikichi was sad, but they decided to go and meet the Resistance. Rikichi was very happy then because it was what he'd wanted to do all along, but Hana and Kon were going to leave.
Then, Rikichi was sent on a special mission to destroy the Hueco Star. Although Darth Abarai was chasing him, at the last moment Hana and Kon came back and helped him do it! So Rikichi destroyed the Hueco Star, and he and Hana and Kon won awards and the adoration of all the resistance.
But Darth Abarai still wanted to find Rikichi...
Later on, Hana, Rikichi, Kon, and Momo were staying on an icy planet. Hana was going to leave, again, but then he had to go out and save Rikichi. While Rikichi was unconscious in the snow, he had a vision of Byakuya telling him to go to a planet where a Jedi Master named Yoruichi lived, and she would train him. Then Hana found him. Fortunately, Rikichi survived, but then Darth Abarai came with the Imperial Forces to kill the Resistance! Oh noes! So they all had to evacuate. Rikichi and Rukia went off in their ship to find Master Yoruichi, and Rikichi, Kon, Momo and Ichigo ended up going off in the evacuation only to find that their hyper-drive was broken and they couldn't outrun Darth Abarai's ships. =OOO
So then Rikichi and Rukia landed their ship on a weird jungle-covered planet, despite Rukia saying that they should go to the rendezvous. They met up with Yoruichi, who, despite being small, elderly and green (yep) started to teach Rikichi everything she knew.
Meanwhile, Hana, Kon, Momo, and Ichigo were having problems. They hid from the Imperial ships, and then went off to the nearest planet. It turned out that an old friend of Hana's, Ganju, was the leader of the city they stopped at. He helped them out, but something wasn't quite right for some reason. Kon even found some workers trying to dispose of Ichigo, who'd been dismantled! Kon started trying to fix Ichigo.
Meanwhile, Rikichi was having very tough training under Yoruichi. Then he had a dream about Hana and Momo being hurt. He insisted on leaving, even though Yoruichi and the ghost of Byakuya told him not to.
It turned out that Ganju was actually working for Darth Abarai! He didn't want to, though. He tried to help them, but couldn't. They captured Hana, Kon, and Momo. There was a bounty hunter with him named Gin who wanted to take Hana back to Aizen the Hutt so that he could get a reward. So Hana was tortured and then frozen in hibernation. Gin took Hana back to where Aizen was, and the rest of their friends were too late to save him. Fortunately, Rikichi arrived! He didn't know that this was a trap of Darth Abarai's. He tried to save Hana, Kon, and Momo (and Ichigo who was half-dismantled) but failed to save Hana. Then he got attacked by Darth Abarai, and then Darth Abarai revealed that he was actually Rikichi's father, Renji! Le gasp! Rikichi got an arm cut off, but then he ran away from Renji. Fortunately, he, Kon, Momo, and Ichigo all escaped! He promised he would save Hana from the evil clutches of Aizen the Hutt. He also got a nifty robotic arm. LET'S SAY IT'S AUTOMAIL.
So they all went on a rescue mission. Rikichi sent Ichigo and Rukia to Aizen with a message that he would negotiate for Hana's release, and gave the two of them to Aizen. But Aizen refused. Later that day, a bounty hunter came in with Kon to turn in the bounty. No one knew that the bounty hunter was really Momo! Momo went to set Hana free, and saved him, but then Aizen caught her. Hana went in jail and Momo was made a slave. Luckily, Rikichi came the next day to save the day! He was almost eaten by a monster, but killed it. He and Hana were supposed to be executed, but it turned out that Rukia had Rikichi's light saber, and one of the bounty hunters was really Ganju. Ganju, Rikichi, and Hana fought off all of Aizen's men, including Gin, who died and got eaten. Meanwhile, Momo strangled Aizen. Rikichi flew them all to safety just before the ship blew up with a big, loud boom. =D
Rikichi went back to Master Yoruichi to finish his training, but she died. It was sad. Then he got to talk to the ghost of Byakya. Byakuya told him that Princess Momo was his sister. Rikichi was kind of happy about that. So then Rikichi went back and decided to help destroy Emperor Urahara's evil empire. It turned out that Emperor Urahara had built a new Hueco Star, and they all decided to go kill it because it didn't have any weapons yet.
Rikichi, Hana, and Momo were three of the ones who went to land on Planet Karakura that the Hueco Star was next to, so they could disable the shield generator that protected the Hueco Star so that Ganju could kill it. (Ganju liked to kill things and make them go BOOM.) And so, they went on their adventure. Rikichi was sure that Renji could sense him, and it turns out that Renji actually could, but nothing much else happened and they got in safely. But then things got weird. A bunch of Hollow Troopers saw them, and they had to take them out. All of them got separated, and Momo ended up befriending a tribe of weird little creatures called emods. Later, Rikichi and Hana and Rukia and Ichigo and Kon went searching for her, and they got captured by the emods. All the emods thought that Ichigo was a god and were going to sacrifice Rikichi, Hana, Kon, and Rukia to him, but Rikichi used the Force and Ichigo to make them let them go. They became official members of the emod tribe. Then Ichigo told the emods about their battle, and the emods decided to help them.
Rikichi slipped away after telling Momo she was his sister. Hana completely misunderstood and got his feelings hurt. But the next day it was time to do battle! They went out to surprise the Hollow Troopers, and take down the barrier. Meanwhile, Rikichi turned himself in out of misguided hero-worship for Renji, but Renji promptly gave him to Emperor Urahara, and so Rikichi was all "meh. you suck." Ganju and the other fighters were waiting for the barrier.
Hana, Momo, and Kon fought bravely, but they were captured. It was sad. They didn't have the barrier down on time! Ganju and the rest got caught in a big star battle. Then Ichigo and Rukia led the emods into battle! Or, well, Rukia got Ichigo and Rukia caught so that the emods would protect Ichigo. So the emods were all "WHEEE" and the Hollow Troopers fought them, and they tried to get into the one place to take down the shield generator. Rukia tried to unlock it, but then she got disabled, so Kon had to do it. WOAH TENSION.
Meanwhile, Rikichi was trying to not let Emperor Urahara turn him to the dark side, and trying to get Renji to be nice again. He failed. Finally, he couldn't help it. He took his lightsaber and attacked Emperor Urahara, but Renji defended him. So Rikichi and Renji had this huge light saber battle.
The other group finally managed to stick the bomb in the place, and it blew up. The shield was down! Ganju took his ship in and prepared to take down the Hueco Star.
Rikichi defeated Renji, and Urahara was all "KILL HIM" but Rikichi refused. Then Urahara got impatient and went to tortu-- I mean fight Rikichi himself. He did, and zapped Rikichi with lots of lightning when he wouldn't turn to the Dark Side. But Renji saved him! Renji threw the evil Urahara down a pit and collapsed, because he was dying. He thanked Rikichi for saving him, and then he died. Rikichi was very sad.
Then Ganju's ship blew up the Hueco Star.
Momo and Hana saw it, and were like =D and then Hana was like "I... hope Rikichi-san wasn't on there..." and Momo's like "I know he wasn't." and Hana was still totally misunderstanding.
That night, the emods were having a huge victory party. Actually, just about everyone in the universe was. They were happy and partying, and Momo revealed to Hana, finally, that Rikichi was her brother. Hana and Momo were very happy together. Then Rikichi came in to join the party, fresh from burning Renji's corpse, and was very happy too. He saw the spirits of Byakuya, Yoruichi, and Renji, and they were all like "=D thanks dude you're cool." or, in Yoruichi's case, "dude, thanks. cool, you are." THE END!!!!!!
---
I did the prequels too (all about how Renji went to THE DARK SIDE) but that one's shorter and I had to switch some things because - well - I'm a Rukia/Renji shipper, personally, and I'm sure none of us wants to see Anakin/R2D2. "Luke... I am your father! ... and your mom's R2." "NOOOOOO!" *cough*
This is the cast for that, I might post it later:
Shinji Hirako as Qui-Gon Jinn
Byakuya as Obi-Wan Kenobi
Ichigo as C3PO
Ishida as R2D2 (because ... well, yeah.)
Renji as Anakin
Rukia as Padme
Hiyori as Darth Maul (xDDD this one amuses me)
Aaroniero as Jar-Jar Binks ... I think. Can't remember.
Tousen as Count Dooku
Kira as Leia's foster father whose name I forget >>
