Post by Zylaa on Jun 3, 2008 23:50:12 GMT -5
This was for a short story in English. I really like how it turned out.
And I apologize in advance to all fans of teen girl lit. >_>
Trapped in a Teen Novel
I knew something was wrong the minute I entered the school.
Actually, that’s a lie. It was 7:30 a.m.- 7:37 precisely that day- and I don’t know anything until at least 8:30. Which makes learning Psychology a bit difficult. But that Monday, I started noticing stuff even before the first blaring bell rang, which was an accomplishment in itself.
I noticed the people first- crowds of teens bedecked in the latest fashions, all talking and laughing in excited little nebulas of gossip. This was okay, at first. There’s always one group or two. But where were the punks, the people ambling to class, the lazy people sprawled out asleep on the courtyard benches? The only variation on the Abercrombie-wearing girls and their guy counterparts was the cluster of goths, all sullen and glaring out at all who passed by as if they had a personal grudge against the world.
Maybe there was a school announcement and I missed it, I thought. I do that a lot. But by the time I got to the library, I wasn’t sure. None of my friends were there. Emma, Renee, Jesse, Lauren, John- we hung out in the library every morning because the chairs are comfy and the wooden tables are handy for all the homework we were too lazy to do the night before (usually a lot of homework- five AP classes is no joke).
That day, a few scattered nerds- you could tell they were nerds because they wore glasses- were busily working. I looked around just to be sure- no friends. Not even Daniel and Samantha were there, although that wasn’t much of a shock. They were always late.
Since it was a pleasant spring dawn, I sat on a wall in the outside courtyard, pulled out my Calculus, and listened to the crowds as I worked. I felt like a detective.
Apparently, there was going to be a massive party at the lake that weekend. Everyone was going to be there, and there would be a bunch of alcohol, and it would be just great. Spiffy, except- who the heck actually hosts parties like that? Our school is huge. Nobody would be friendly enough or stupid enough to invite everyone. And surely even the most stereotypical teenager would have more sense than to shout “I’ll bring the beer!” to her friend across the heads of several teachers.
“It’s ridiculous,” I said to Daniel, once he finally showed up, five minutes before class. We walked into the building, buffeted on all sides by the rush of students trying to get to first period- that, at least, was usual. “It’s like the entire teen population started believing in its own stereotypes.”
“Mmhm. Do we have a history quiz today?”
“Not that I remember. And you’re not taking this seriously.”
“Let people be idiots. They usually are,” Daniel said, grinning. “You can’t get mad at everyone, Mary.”
“Why not?” I joked. Daniel rolled his eyes and waved goodbye as he turned towards his first class. I kept going until AP Psychology at the end of the hallway.
And I stopped dead in the door. In my Psych class are about twenty kids, ranging from Will, the top student in the class and a neo-hippie, to Gary the football player who was starring in the spring musical. A few slackers who think they can text all through class and still pass the AP exam are also in there.
That morning, everyone was wearing polo shirts, nice pants, and half the room wore glasses. I felt like my shirt- blue with some shiny silver birds, nothing special- was as glaring as a stop sign. But nobody looked at me, except for a few casual glances as I walked in.
Everyone already had their notebook and a pencil out, and the bell hadn’t even rung yet.
“What’s the occasion?” Ms. Moore said with a laugh as she walked into the classroom. I liked her; she was young, intelligent, and had a dry sense of humor. Nothing about her had changed. Without waiting for an answer from the class, she began her lecture. “Today we’ll be learning about the Stanford Prison Experiment...”
Lunch: a time of momentary relaxation or frantic finishing of the aforementioned AP homework. The beautiful dawn had given way to a beautiful day, so I headed outside to the benches of the courtyard. Surely some of my friends would be there.
Half the school had gotten the same idea, it seemed. The cliques of students had spread out like points on a compass: goths towards the parking lot, preps and jocks towards the gym, nonconformists (you could tell they were nonconformist because they all wore the same type of nonconformist clothing) towards the football stadium. Presumably the nerds were all back in the library.
Daniel was sitting alone on one of the walls, reading Life of Pi. No other friends.
“What the heck is going on?!” I shouted as I threw my book bag down next to him. “First classes were weird, and now this.”
“What did you do in class today?” he asked without even looking up from his book.
“In Psych, everyone was wearing nice shirts and acting like they cared about school,” I said. “We talked about the Stanford Prison experiment too- freaky stuff. Anyway, in Calculus...” I stopped. I couldn’t remember. “Odd.”
“You don’t remember either?” he asked, looking up now and raising his eyebrows. “So it’s not just me.”
“It’s everyone else,” I groaned, waving my hand around. “All this... idiocy. Stereotypicalness.” I sat down and yanked out my lunch, biting into the turkey sandwich as if it was responsible. After swallowing, I muttered, “I just wish we knew what was going on.”
As if cued by narrative convention, Samantha ran up. I stared.
Normally, Samantha is nonchalant, laid back, and completely unconscious of fashion. Tie-dye is her concept of ideal clothing. Today, she looked like something that had stepped from the cover of a teen magazine- breathless, brown hair shining gold in the sun, clothing that looked, if not stylish, decent.
“Ohmygosh, you will never guess what just happened,” Samantha gasped.
“You were abducted by cheerleaders and brainwashed?” Daniel guessed. Samantha ignored him.
“Jake Richardson just talked to me!” She sat down, beaming.
“Why shouldn’t he? We’ve been in classes together since fourth grade,” I said. Daniel was looking at Samantha with a mixture of shock and disgust.
“Because he’s the... most popular guy... in... school?” she answered, though she seemed to be losing her certainty.
“Sammy,” I said, using the nickname she hates, “we go to a school of 2000 people. There is no way we have one ‘most popular guy.’”
“But he’s captain of the football team,” she said, sounding bewildered.
“Our football team could do better with a frozen turkey leading it,” Daniel said. Samantha blinked, twice, and gave me a strange look.
“What was I just saying?” she asked, one hand reaching up to fiddle with her silver cross necklace, a nervous habit of hers. Ordinarily I would start in on the fallacy of religion- our theological views are about as compatible as gunpowder and sparks- but I realized she probably wasn’t up to that at the moment.
“You were professing undying love for Jake,” I said. She gave me a strange look.
“Why would I be doing that?”
“We don’t know,” Daniel said.
“Actually, I think I do,” I said, as Samantha’s behavior clicked in with the other events of the day. “We’re suddenly in a teen romance novel.”
This dire pronouncement didn’t get quite the reaction I was hoping for.
“Come off it,” Samantha said. “She’s kidding- right, Daniel?”
“Hey, let’s pretend for a minute that I’m a guy, so I’ve never even touched a teen girl novel,” Daniel said. “Okay?”
“Ah. Right,” I said. “The story begins with our lonely, angst-y heroine, who believes that she is loathed and uncool despite her two good friends. She is madly in love with the “popular boy” and displays about as much sense around him as a chicken with its head cut off. Somehow, suddenly, she is cool, but then she finds out that popularity isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be, and the man of her dreams is a jerk, so everything goes back to the way it was, except she’s less angst-y at the end.”
“Sounds awful,” Daniel said. “So is this the reason why we both are the only ones here?” he asked, indicating himself and me.
“Must be,” I said as connections fell into place. “This is why the people are acting so weird, and why we can’t remember our classes- in these books, only the cliché social drama matters.”
“Does this mean I can skip doing homework for the week?” Daniel said. I glared at him.
“Brilliant, Holmes,” Samantha said with her usual good-humored sarcasm. “And what would cause this, pray tell? Magic?”
“Hey, you try coming up with a better theory,” I snapped, although it felt almost comforting to be bickering with her. It was the most normal thing that had happened all day.
“Sure, Mary genius. Whatever you say.” She sighed. “I’ve got to go study for Physics now. Sooo lame. I’ll catch you guys later.” I could only stare as she walked off.
“You love Physics!” I shouted at her retreating back. “You want to be an engineer!” No answer.
“Does a teen novel also instill stupidity?” Daniel asked.
“Yes... at least, I think so. The protagonist always loves English and hates math,” I explained. “And then she ends up happily ever after with her best friend.” Daniel and I connected that one at the same time.
“She’s going to end up dating me in the end?” he asked.
“Looks like it,” I sighed, my stomach sinking. “We’re probably only normal still because the two best friends are supposed to be interesting, and the story wasn’t up to it.”
“Not too bad, all things considered,” he said, displaying some more infuriating calmness and a smirk. I took a deep breath, but held my voice steady.
“Oh really? Do you know what else isn’t in teen novels? No technological entertainment- nothing beyond IM, that is. No more Wii, no more Xbox, no more World of Warcraft or Guitar Hero. The love interest dude is always artsy, guitar-strumming, witty, intelligent- but never nerdy. So no more Dungeons and Dragons either.”
“How do kids survive?” he asked, finally looking troubled.
“They don’t. It’s fiction,” I said. We were both silent for a moment, enough for me to hear some snatches of the conversation nearest us. More about that lake party. It was probably important to whatever godforsaken attempt at a plot we were part of.
“With the criteria you’ve given... couldn’t we be part of a teen horror plot?” Daniel asked.
“Yeah, but if we were in a horror movie, ominous music would be playing in the background whenever we had a conversation,” I said.
That afternoon, at home, my younger brother greeted me with a loud “Mary, help me with my math homework!”
“Glad to see you too, Chris,” I said as I came and corrected his geometry.
Mom and Dad came home later in the evening, and Dad cooked us some pasta and chicken. With no homework, I worked ahead on an English essay, and after about five minutes of that I turned my attentions to the important task of beating Chris at Super Smash Bros. Brawl.
Aside from the lack of homework, it was a perfectly normal evening.
I arrived at school the next morning well-rested, an anomaly in itself, and to my surprise ran into Daniel on the way in.
“You’re up early,” I said.
“I decided I’d help investigate this,” he said. “I can be your faithful sidekick.”
“Like Scooby-doo?” He sighed and shook his head sadly.
“If you’re going to make lame TV show references-” he began, but stopped short as we got to the courtyard.
At first sight, the high school seemed a more normal place. There were less pink shirts around, at least. But as I looked closer, I saw that it was merely a more specialized division. All the band kids were together, each wearing a shirt from a marching band show. Same for the drama kids, the cheerleaders, the football players. Everyone’s clothing was as good as a neon brand label.
“I don’t believe it,” I said.
“Are the others here?” Daniel asked.
“I don’t know, I can’t- wait, there! Renee and Jesse!” I said, pointing towards the band kids. Our friends were there, both wearing shirts from the marching band show two years ago. Daniel and I stood in silence for a moment.
“They’re gone, aren’t they,” he said.
“Looks like it,” I said. And so it was for our other friends. All had found one group or another to affiliate with, and the tight-knit clusters left enough space in between groups for a rhinoceros to walk through.
“I feel like an explorer,” Daniel said as we walked by, unnoticed by the crowds, “or one of those documentary hosts. It’s like they’re a different species.”
“It’s creepy,” I agreed.
When the bell rang, we walked through the crowds without talking. Again, for a moment, I could almost believe that high school was normal, with the sea of people pressing through the halls. But when I got to Psych, my classmates were there, all ready, as if they hadn’t moved since yesterday.
“Good morning,” Ms. Moore said, after the bell rang. “Let’s have another one of these attentive days, shall we?” She seemed harried, more tired than yesterday, and I wondered how the story was affecting the teachers. But the thought vanished as she handed out a pop quiz on yesterday’s notes. Even in teen books, teachers take grades, I thought with a sigh.
The new divisions of teen stereotypes continued at lunch.
“Look on the bright side,” Daniel said, “it’s less of a joke than yesterday. Maybe by the end of the week all this will be normal.”
“Hey guys,” Samantha said, sitting down with us and taking out her lunch as if nothing had happened. I stared again. She was as polished and pretty as yesterday, with an even better outfit- and a purse. Samantha never carries a purse. Her pockets are always big enough for whatever she needs.
“Hi Samantha,” Daniel said. I shot him a look, and he shrugged, as if to say, it’s worth a try.
“Stop calling me that,” she sighed.
“What, your name?” I asked.
“You know I hate that- it’s Sammy,” she said.
“Um, no,” I said, as Daniel snorted derisively. “You told us that you think Sammy sounds like the peppy cheerleader that everyone wants to shoot.” Samantha- or Sammy- laughed.
“Mary, Mary, Mary,” she said, shaking her head. “Always with the insults.”
“Oh don’t even get me started,” I snapped.
“Hold up here,” Daniel said, leaning forward and placing his hands between us. “Let’s not start attacking each other, okay?” He glared mainly at me, which I thought was unfair, and I opened my mouth to say so.
“Sorry Daniel,” Sammy said. “I’ll try to keep my temper in line.” Daniel had the nerve to laugh. I couldn’t. It was exactly the sort of thing peaceful, laid-back Samantha would say, but this wannabe protagonist Sammy just made me want to slap her. Even in our monthly religious debates, Samantha and I had never-
I realized then that Sammy wasn’t wearing her cross necklace.
“Where’s your necklace?” I asked.
“My what?” she asked.
“Your cross necklace? You know, the one that I’ve threatened to burn on numerous occasions? The one that I say represents the greatest delusion of society?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but there’s no need to shout,” she said. She looked mildly annoyed, as if I was some sort of insect. “If you’re going to be like this, I’ll just go sit somewhere else.”
“Fine by me!”
“Mary,” Daniel warned, but Sammy had already stood up and strutted off in a huff.
“What?” I snapped at Daniel. “That wasn’t Samantha, whatever that stupid story has done to her.”
“You’re not the only person here who misses Samantha, okay?” he shot back. “Get over yourself. Now why did she stop wearing her cross necklace?”
“Because...” I stopped and thought. None of the teen books ever mentioned religion, did they? Of course, that was just it. “There’s no religion in teen novels.”
“What, atheism?”
“No, just... no religion. No theism or atheism. The characters are too shallow to care,” I snarled, glaring off at the crowd.
“I never thought I’d see you angry over a lack of religion,” Daniel said, smirking despite everything.
“Of course! Without religion, I’ve got nothing to routinely explode at,” I said, trying to match his tone. “This frees up more of my anger for dealing with this ridiculous situation.”
“Excellent! Whoever is behind this should probably surrender now,” Daniel said. “I would. Do we have any clue who they are yet?”
“No,” I groaned.
“Maybe someone who wanted to get out of the Statistics test,” Daniel said, straight faced.
“You had a Stats test?” I asked.
“It was scheduled for today, but since all of the classes are meaningless now, we didn’t have a test.”
“That’s odd,” I said. “We had a pop quiz in Psychology.”
“Really?” Daniel said. “What on?”
“The stuff we learned yesterday- the Stanford Prison experiment.”
“Wait, you’ve been learning things in class since all this craziness began?”
“Just in Psychology,” I said. We looked at each other, and the flash of understanding hit us at the same time. “But... could it be Ms. Moore? She’s an awesome teacher,” I said. “I can’t see her starting something like this.”
“It’s the only lead we’ve got,” Daniel said.
Usually, teachers and cops patrol the edges of the courtyard to make sure we teenagers don’t run off and skip lunch. But today, nobody stopped us as we entered the empty building and walked quickly towards Ms. Moore’s room.
Ms. Moore was at her desk, apparently grading papers. She looked up and smiled when we came in.
“Hello Mary. What can I do for you?”
“Um...” I hesitated. How exactly should one accuse a teacher of witchcraft?
“We were wondering if you had noticed anything odd around campus lately,” Daniel supplied.
“Yes, odd,” Ms. Moore said. “Unfortunately it’s odd. Students are paying attention in class, not a one of them has come in texting during class, or complaining about homework and grade curves. Why couldn’t students be this way all the time?” She smiled, as if she was listening to a funny joke we couldn’t hear. I started.
“Have you even been outside the classroom?” I asked, all normal etiquette forgotten.
“Yes, I have. And what is wrong with it?”
“Everything! People are behaving like zombies, forming these cliques of identical brainless morons,” I said.
“Confirmation bias, Mary,” Ms. Moore said. You see what you think you will see. Have you tried to talk to any of these people?”
“Samantha,” I said. “She’s not even herself anymore.’
“How do you know?” Ms. Moore asked. “What makes you think you know anyone else’s mind?”
“We’ve known each other for ten years!”
“Hang on,” Daniel said, stepping forward. “I’d just like some things cleared up here.”
“Carry on,” Ms. Moore said.
“Are you responsible for all this?”
“Not precisely. It’s a story, you see. Stories have power. You should know that, Mary. People want to believe in stories.”
“But this is a stupid one!” I said.
“Hear me out. Has it occurred to you that you might be the only one this committed to controversy? That you have defied the story simply because it’s in your nature and yours alone? Everyone else is perfectly happy.”
“Because you’ve brainwashed them!” I cried, my voice almost cracking.
“Nonsense. This is a very kind story. It’s simply removed all need for worry about the higher things in life.”
“You can’t just make the world go away,” Daniel said.
“Of course not. I’ve taken the story away from the world.” We stared. She smiled. “Everyone plays out the roles that they want to play. Those who wish to be popular will be so. Those who wish to be musical have that wish granted as well. Those who need something to be angry at will get their wish too.”
“You’ll never-” I began, but stopped.
“Were you seriously about to say ‘You’ll never get away with this?’” Daniel asked.
“See? Stories again. Go back to lunch, Mary. I’m sure fighting a losing battle takes energy,” said Ms. Moore.
“I’m not going to lose,” I said through clenched teeth.
“If it’s any consolation, you got a 95 on today’s quiz,” she said. I turned on my heel and stormed out of the classroom, Daniel walking behind.
“So what are we going to do now?” he asked.
“For the moment, I’m going to go and eat my lunch,” I said. “Then we attack with knowledge and sensibility.”
“Excellent plan,” Daniel said. “It would be a shame to let those chocolate chip cookies you pack go to waste.” I groaned.
That afternoon we spent planning, and the next day we came to school armed with newspaper and magazine cutouts. On every wall in the school we placed the latest news: politics, natural disasters, science, and a few editorials. Our bold and daring action earned us a trip to the assistant principal’s office, where he lectured us on our blatant rule breaking, since every posted notice had to be approved by the office first. All of the articles were gone by the end of first period.
Classes again were a blur, but one thing was certain: Jessica Roman had broken up with Jake Richardson on Monday. Clearly this bit of gossip was important to the plot, but how everyone knew this, I didn’t know. Barely anyone knew Jessica, and Jake was nowhere near that well-known.
“Did you hear about Jessica and Jake breaking up?” Sammy asked as she sat down at lunch, today in a very nice blue ensemble. She had even changed her nail polish to match her clothes.
“Unfortunately yes,” Daniel said.
“And now this leaves the way open for you to miraculously end up dating Jake by the end of the week,” I said to Sammy, hoping that breaking the fourth wall would somehow save her.
“Huh?” Daniel said.
“It makes sense- she has to end up with him either at the lake party or before the lake party. People are still talking about that,” I said. Sammy happily ate her sandwich, oblivious to any plot development going on around her.
That night Daniel hacked into the computer system of the school in order to change the morning’s announcements, again inserting problematic news and anything we knew that could shake the school out of its stupor. All we got was an announcement Thursday morning offering a reward for information on the vandals who hacked the system.
“It’s like the story is protecting itself,” I grumbled at lunch. “There’s got to be some way to get through to people.”
“Maybe we’re going around this the wrong way,” Daniel said. “News is all very well, but lack of news isn’t the point of those books, is it?”
“Of course not- true love and accepting your friends and all that nonsense is the basis of the books.”
“We could try shunning Samantha, or talking to any of the others,” Daniel said gloomily. Any previous attempts at talking to our other friends had resulted in quick rebuffs from the cliques, so I shook my head. We sat like that in gloomy silence until Sammy showed up, grinning like the Cheshire Cat.
“You’ll never believe what just happened,” she said.
“Try us,” I said.
“Jake and I are going out!” Daniel looked surprised, I saw, but I wasn’t. It was just one more nail into the coffin.
“That was quick,” I said. “He got dumped what, Monday?”
“Does this usually happen?” Daniel asked.
“Yeah, didn’t I tell you? She hooks up with the “popular” guy, and then it turns out that he was just being a jerk. Probably for revenge this time,” I said. For once, Sammy seemed to get the gist of what I was saying.
“You’re wrong,” she snapped. “Jake likes me, and you’re just jealous.”
“Jealous? Were you born yesterday? Any fool can see how this plot is going,” I said. “You’re just too oblivious to figure it out.”
“You never cared about me,” Sammy cried, apropos to nothing. “All I want is to see what it’s like to be popular, for once, and you freaks won’t let me!” We were silent for a second.
“Is dialogue like that really used in those books?” Daniel asked, without a smile.
“Yeah,” I said, my shoulders slumped. It looked like not even a shadow of Samantha was left.
“I’m leaving,” Sammy said. The story had to go on, even if we wouldn’t play along with it. She stood up and flounced off. Yes, flounced. I turned back to the table and began idly stabbing it with my pencil.
“Now what?” Daniel asked.
“Now she and Jake go on a date together, and she’ll realize that he’s only dating her to get back at Jessica. Then she’ll come back groveling for forgiveness, and realize that she’s madly in love with you instead, and you two will date and live happily ever after.”
“Joy,” Daniel said, sounding every inch as bitter as I was. He picked up another twig and began idly fencing with me, which we continued for a minute until my twig snapped in two. “And that’s how it ends?”
“Yep, that’s it,” I said. “Unless there’s a sequel.”
“There are sequels to these things?”
“Unfortunately, sometimes,” I said, smiling a bit at the look on his face.
“All the more reason for us to end it now,” he said, shaking his head. “Any more ideas?”
“No,” I said, flinging my twigs off across the courtyard in frustration. “All I know is the lake party tomorrow is the key to the plot, but how can you stop a party?”
“Maybe we don’t have to,” Daniel said. “We could go there.”
“And then what?”
“We’ll think of something,” he said. “Come on, Mary, don’t give up now.”
“Giving up? I’m not giving up,” I snapped. “You think I’d quit?”
“Of course not,” Daniel said, putting his hands up in defense. “No biting my head off, now. Then Sammy dearest will never get her happy ending.”
Friday morning as I was walking out of the classroom, Ms. Moore stopped me. “Are you going to the lake party tonight, Mary?” she asked.
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I said with a grimace. She chuckled.
“May the best woman win, Mary. I’ve enjoyed watching this.” She sounded sincere.
“Er, thanks,” I said. I turned and walked out.
Sammy didn’t come over to us at lunch, which gave us plenty of time to plan. Unfortunately, the best we could come up with was hijacking Sammy and tying her up somewhere until she came back to her senses.
“We’ll think up something when we get there,” I said as the bell rang.
“Oh good. Spontaneity,” said Daniel. “That’s the best kind of plan.”
The lake party was due to start at nine, so at eight-thirty I left the house to meet up with Daniel. We parked along the street a short distance away from the main lake parking lot, which was already full to bursting.
“You say no cops are going to bust this gathering, even though it’s so obvious?” Daniel asked.
“Right. No teen party is ever broken up for blatant underage drinking,” I said. “And no teen ever passes out from drinking either.”
“Shame on those authors,” Daniel said, shaking his head in mock sorrow. “What are they teaching kids these days anyway?”
We found the party by sound and sight. On one of the beaches along the lakeshore, someone had set up a giant bonfire, and at the tree line a giant loudspeaker was pounding out some incoherent rap. It looked like half the high school was out dancing around the bonfire and drinking. Surprisingly nobody seemed to be burned yet.
“Did you bring any marshmallows?” Daniel asked. “That would’ve been nice.”
“You’re not helping. Find Samantha,” I ordered.
“Yes, your majesty,” he muttered, scanning the crowd. “How, exactly?” With only the firelight to help, the press of bodies was impenetrable.
“I’ll climb a tree or something,” I said. “Just get down by the lake, maybe. Not many people are down there.” I guessed the story had something against people swimming. It was a warm night.
Daniel wandered around the fringe of the dancing, still looking. I found a likely-looking tree close to the water’s edge and the party’s edge and scaled a few branches until I could see over the heads of the crowd.
Sammy was dancing with Jake between my tree and the fire, with a small ring of space between them and the indistinguishable crowd. She really did look happy, and I had to remind myself that she normally has all the grace and dancing ability of a concussed musk ox. Daniel waved at me from the lakeshore and shrugged; I signaled thumbs-up back. He stood awkwardly by the shore as I turned my attention back to Sammy.
Jessica pushed her way through the crowd until she stood in the ring of space, watching Jake and Sammy. I could see that the story had taken over Jessica’s wardrobe too; she looked even more fashionable than the new Samantha. She marched for all of one foot until she was next to Jake, and she began to talk.
I couldn’t hear what she said, but she looked mad. Jake threw his arm around Sammy and jerked her closer, gesturing at Jessica. They were shouting. I heard a few insults even from my tree, as if the entire party had turned down the volume for the benefit of the central plot. Jessica stormed off into the crowd, and I could see a tear- yes, one lone tear- running down her cheek as she pushed away. Sammy turned to Jake and stepped away, innocent and horrified. Now they began to fight, and again the party volume turned down, enough for me to hear her shout, “You used me!” at Jake. He stepped closer, attempting to console her. I couldn’t hear him, but she shouted “It’s over,” and began to stomp away through the crowd, which parted like the Red Sea until she reached the shore of the lake. Jake faded away into the crowd.
Now it begins, I thought sadly. The setting really was perfect- it looked like a full moon, and the lake was alive with the sounds of frogs singing. Water lapped gently onto the beach by Daniel’s feet as he turned and waved at Sammy. She waved back, smiling sadly, and stood beside him, gazing out at the shimmering water. It was enough to make me gag. I busied myself shifting to a more convenient spot on the tree. Fortunately, the party had once again quieted, since it had effectively ceased to matter in the plot.
Sammy spoke first.
“I’ve been so stupid,” she said.
“Yes,” Daniel agreed. He could see, as I could, that she was still under the story. She continued talking as if she hadn’t heard.
“Jake is a jerk. I know that now. But for those days, I thought... I thought I could be special, that I could be different. But I guess I should have just realized that what I had is what I wanted,” she said. She glanced over towards Daniel. “Daniel... I...”
“Look, this might be a bad time to bring this up,” he said, “but I don’t love you.” Sammy whirled towards him, shocked. So was I.
“But... is it because I’ve changed for Jake? I’m over that now! I don’t think you’re a freak, really!”
“Comforting as that is to hear, it doesn’t matter. You’re a great friend, but I wouldn’t date you.” I thought I would fall out of the tree in shock. A guy keeled over drunk below my tree, but I was pretty sure that was coincidence.
“Well this is awkward, then,” Sammy said, crestfallen, rubbing her head.
“Don’t get like that,” Daniel said. He was out of his comfort zone here, shifting from foot to foot, but he sounded sincere enough. “We can still be friends, yeah?”
“Yeah, of course... but...” she seemed distracted now. Her right hand moved towards her collarbone, and she looked down in confusion when her hand didn’t touch the familiar cross pendant. “I thought...”
“Very little for the past week,” Daniel interjected. She looked up, blinking. I heard sirens in the distance, very faint over the noise of the party. Samantha said something back, but I couldn’t hear, and I looked behind me. The sirens were getting louder, and I could see lights flashing through the trees. The cops? Really? Yes, the lights were definitely blue, and coming from all directions. A few teens on the fringes of the party noticed too, those who were slightly less drunk, at least. I swung down from the tree, landed hard on one foot, and hopped over to my friends.
“Hate to break up this wonderful romantic exchange, but we’re surrounded,” I said cheerfully, holding my stubbed foot.
“What??” Daniel and Samantha said, looking around past me.
“Cops, coming in from all sides.” Sure enough, the party was breaking up with the haste of the guilty, but I could just make out the half-dozen cop cars.
“Nooo,” Samantha moaned, “What’ll we do? If my parents hear I’m caught at a drunken party- and in this,” she added, plucking at her clothes. She looked around and scanned the trees. “We can’t get out.”
“They are coming,” Daniel intoned.
“This is no time for the Lord of the Rings!” Samantha snapped.
“Of course we can leave,” I said, “Just think outside the box. And try not to scream.”
“Wha-” Daniel and Samantha’s confusion was cut off as I pulled them both with me into the lake.
“Now quick, before the police close in,” I ordered, doing a silent breaststroke away and down the shoreline. Samantha caught up with me easily.
“Mary, if we die of hypothermia, I’m going to kill you,” she whispered.
“You’re welcome.” We all ducked underwater for a few seconds as a lone flashlight scanned the water. I watched the surface with slit eyes and surfaced as soon as it was dark again. The night really was a lot chillier now that I was sopping wet, but I wasn’t about to admit that.
When we reached a deserted part of the shoreline, we clambered out, dripping and sodden.
“And now that we’re all soaking wet and lost in the wilderness, would you two geniuses mind explaining to me what the heck is going on?” Samantha demanded, wringing water out of her low-cut shirt. “Where are we? Why am I in these clothes?”
“You might not believe us,” I said, likewise wringing water out of my hair. “It’ll stretch the imagination.”
“I’m dressed like a department store dummy and you, of all people, just pushed me into a lake to escape from cops. I’m prepared to believe anything.”
So we told her. She flinched at some parts, and blushed- at least I think she did, it was too dark to tell- and asked a few questions. When we stopped, she was nodding thoughtfully.
“It feels like a dream, sort of,” she said. “I can just remember bits and pieces. Like you rejecting me,” she said to Daniel. He shifted uncomfortably, but she was smiling. “Hey, no worries, you got us out of that hideous story.”
“So a lack of true love saved the day?” I asked with a laugh. Daniel grinned at me.
“Something like that,” he agreed.
“Enough sitting around these woods,” Samantha said. “Let’s get home and start living happily ever after.”
“Assuming we can find our way out, of course,” Daniel said.
“Stop being such a pessimist. Come on, I’ll race you!” she cried, taking off into the night, shoes squelching on leaves and twigs. We ran after her, laughing, cold, wet, and happy. Not for ever after, but for the moment, and that was enough.
And I apologize in advance to all fans of teen girl lit. >_>
Trapped in a Teen Novel
I knew something was wrong the minute I entered the school.
Actually, that’s a lie. It was 7:30 a.m.- 7:37 precisely that day- and I don’t know anything until at least 8:30. Which makes learning Psychology a bit difficult. But that Monday, I started noticing stuff even before the first blaring bell rang, which was an accomplishment in itself.
I noticed the people first- crowds of teens bedecked in the latest fashions, all talking and laughing in excited little nebulas of gossip. This was okay, at first. There’s always one group or two. But where were the punks, the people ambling to class, the lazy people sprawled out asleep on the courtyard benches? The only variation on the Abercrombie-wearing girls and their guy counterparts was the cluster of goths, all sullen and glaring out at all who passed by as if they had a personal grudge against the world.
Maybe there was a school announcement and I missed it, I thought. I do that a lot. But by the time I got to the library, I wasn’t sure. None of my friends were there. Emma, Renee, Jesse, Lauren, John- we hung out in the library every morning because the chairs are comfy and the wooden tables are handy for all the homework we were too lazy to do the night before (usually a lot of homework- five AP classes is no joke).
That day, a few scattered nerds- you could tell they were nerds because they wore glasses- were busily working. I looked around just to be sure- no friends. Not even Daniel and Samantha were there, although that wasn’t much of a shock. They were always late.
Since it was a pleasant spring dawn, I sat on a wall in the outside courtyard, pulled out my Calculus, and listened to the crowds as I worked. I felt like a detective.
Apparently, there was going to be a massive party at the lake that weekend. Everyone was going to be there, and there would be a bunch of alcohol, and it would be just great. Spiffy, except- who the heck actually hosts parties like that? Our school is huge. Nobody would be friendly enough or stupid enough to invite everyone. And surely even the most stereotypical teenager would have more sense than to shout “I’ll bring the beer!” to her friend across the heads of several teachers.
“It’s ridiculous,” I said to Daniel, once he finally showed up, five minutes before class. We walked into the building, buffeted on all sides by the rush of students trying to get to first period- that, at least, was usual. “It’s like the entire teen population started believing in its own stereotypes.”
“Mmhm. Do we have a history quiz today?”
“Not that I remember. And you’re not taking this seriously.”
“Let people be idiots. They usually are,” Daniel said, grinning. “You can’t get mad at everyone, Mary.”
“Why not?” I joked. Daniel rolled his eyes and waved goodbye as he turned towards his first class. I kept going until AP Psychology at the end of the hallway.
And I stopped dead in the door. In my Psych class are about twenty kids, ranging from Will, the top student in the class and a neo-hippie, to Gary the football player who was starring in the spring musical. A few slackers who think they can text all through class and still pass the AP exam are also in there.
That morning, everyone was wearing polo shirts, nice pants, and half the room wore glasses. I felt like my shirt- blue with some shiny silver birds, nothing special- was as glaring as a stop sign. But nobody looked at me, except for a few casual glances as I walked in.
Everyone already had their notebook and a pencil out, and the bell hadn’t even rung yet.
“What’s the occasion?” Ms. Moore said with a laugh as she walked into the classroom. I liked her; she was young, intelligent, and had a dry sense of humor. Nothing about her had changed. Without waiting for an answer from the class, she began her lecture. “Today we’ll be learning about the Stanford Prison Experiment...”
Lunch: a time of momentary relaxation or frantic finishing of the aforementioned AP homework. The beautiful dawn had given way to a beautiful day, so I headed outside to the benches of the courtyard. Surely some of my friends would be there.
Half the school had gotten the same idea, it seemed. The cliques of students had spread out like points on a compass: goths towards the parking lot, preps and jocks towards the gym, nonconformists (you could tell they were nonconformist because they all wore the same type of nonconformist clothing) towards the football stadium. Presumably the nerds were all back in the library.
Daniel was sitting alone on one of the walls, reading Life of Pi. No other friends.
“What the heck is going on?!” I shouted as I threw my book bag down next to him. “First classes were weird, and now this.”
“What did you do in class today?” he asked without even looking up from his book.
“In Psych, everyone was wearing nice shirts and acting like they cared about school,” I said. “We talked about the Stanford Prison experiment too- freaky stuff. Anyway, in Calculus...” I stopped. I couldn’t remember. “Odd.”
“You don’t remember either?” he asked, looking up now and raising his eyebrows. “So it’s not just me.”
“It’s everyone else,” I groaned, waving my hand around. “All this... idiocy. Stereotypicalness.” I sat down and yanked out my lunch, biting into the turkey sandwich as if it was responsible. After swallowing, I muttered, “I just wish we knew what was going on.”
As if cued by narrative convention, Samantha ran up. I stared.
Normally, Samantha is nonchalant, laid back, and completely unconscious of fashion. Tie-dye is her concept of ideal clothing. Today, she looked like something that had stepped from the cover of a teen magazine- breathless, brown hair shining gold in the sun, clothing that looked, if not stylish, decent.
“Ohmygosh, you will never guess what just happened,” Samantha gasped.
“You were abducted by cheerleaders and brainwashed?” Daniel guessed. Samantha ignored him.
“Jake Richardson just talked to me!” She sat down, beaming.
“Why shouldn’t he? We’ve been in classes together since fourth grade,” I said. Daniel was looking at Samantha with a mixture of shock and disgust.
“Because he’s the... most popular guy... in... school?” she answered, though she seemed to be losing her certainty.
“Sammy,” I said, using the nickname she hates, “we go to a school of 2000 people. There is no way we have one ‘most popular guy.’”
“But he’s captain of the football team,” she said, sounding bewildered.
“Our football team could do better with a frozen turkey leading it,” Daniel said. Samantha blinked, twice, and gave me a strange look.
“What was I just saying?” she asked, one hand reaching up to fiddle with her silver cross necklace, a nervous habit of hers. Ordinarily I would start in on the fallacy of religion- our theological views are about as compatible as gunpowder and sparks- but I realized she probably wasn’t up to that at the moment.
“You were professing undying love for Jake,” I said. She gave me a strange look.
“Why would I be doing that?”
“We don’t know,” Daniel said.
“Actually, I think I do,” I said, as Samantha’s behavior clicked in with the other events of the day. “We’re suddenly in a teen romance novel.”
This dire pronouncement didn’t get quite the reaction I was hoping for.
“Come off it,” Samantha said. “She’s kidding- right, Daniel?”
“Hey, let’s pretend for a minute that I’m a guy, so I’ve never even touched a teen girl novel,” Daniel said. “Okay?”
“Ah. Right,” I said. “The story begins with our lonely, angst-y heroine, who believes that she is loathed and uncool despite her two good friends. She is madly in love with the “popular boy” and displays about as much sense around him as a chicken with its head cut off. Somehow, suddenly, she is cool, but then she finds out that popularity isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be, and the man of her dreams is a jerk, so everything goes back to the way it was, except she’s less angst-y at the end.”
“Sounds awful,” Daniel said. “So is this the reason why we both are the only ones here?” he asked, indicating himself and me.
“Must be,” I said as connections fell into place. “This is why the people are acting so weird, and why we can’t remember our classes- in these books, only the cliché social drama matters.”
“Does this mean I can skip doing homework for the week?” Daniel said. I glared at him.
“Brilliant, Holmes,” Samantha said with her usual good-humored sarcasm. “And what would cause this, pray tell? Magic?”
“Hey, you try coming up with a better theory,” I snapped, although it felt almost comforting to be bickering with her. It was the most normal thing that had happened all day.
“Sure, Mary genius. Whatever you say.” She sighed. “I’ve got to go study for Physics now. Sooo lame. I’ll catch you guys later.” I could only stare as she walked off.
“You love Physics!” I shouted at her retreating back. “You want to be an engineer!” No answer.
“Does a teen novel also instill stupidity?” Daniel asked.
“Yes... at least, I think so. The protagonist always loves English and hates math,” I explained. “And then she ends up happily ever after with her best friend.” Daniel and I connected that one at the same time.
“She’s going to end up dating me in the end?” he asked.
“Looks like it,” I sighed, my stomach sinking. “We’re probably only normal still because the two best friends are supposed to be interesting, and the story wasn’t up to it.”
“Not too bad, all things considered,” he said, displaying some more infuriating calmness and a smirk. I took a deep breath, but held my voice steady.
“Oh really? Do you know what else isn’t in teen novels? No technological entertainment- nothing beyond IM, that is. No more Wii, no more Xbox, no more World of Warcraft or Guitar Hero. The love interest dude is always artsy, guitar-strumming, witty, intelligent- but never nerdy. So no more Dungeons and Dragons either.”
“How do kids survive?” he asked, finally looking troubled.
“They don’t. It’s fiction,” I said. We were both silent for a moment, enough for me to hear some snatches of the conversation nearest us. More about that lake party. It was probably important to whatever godforsaken attempt at a plot we were part of.
“With the criteria you’ve given... couldn’t we be part of a teen horror plot?” Daniel asked.
“Yeah, but if we were in a horror movie, ominous music would be playing in the background whenever we had a conversation,” I said.
That afternoon, at home, my younger brother greeted me with a loud “Mary, help me with my math homework!”
“Glad to see you too, Chris,” I said as I came and corrected his geometry.
Mom and Dad came home later in the evening, and Dad cooked us some pasta and chicken. With no homework, I worked ahead on an English essay, and after about five minutes of that I turned my attentions to the important task of beating Chris at Super Smash Bros. Brawl.
Aside from the lack of homework, it was a perfectly normal evening.
I arrived at school the next morning well-rested, an anomaly in itself, and to my surprise ran into Daniel on the way in.
“You’re up early,” I said.
“I decided I’d help investigate this,” he said. “I can be your faithful sidekick.”
“Like Scooby-doo?” He sighed and shook his head sadly.
“If you’re going to make lame TV show references-” he began, but stopped short as we got to the courtyard.
At first sight, the high school seemed a more normal place. There were less pink shirts around, at least. But as I looked closer, I saw that it was merely a more specialized division. All the band kids were together, each wearing a shirt from a marching band show. Same for the drama kids, the cheerleaders, the football players. Everyone’s clothing was as good as a neon brand label.
“I don’t believe it,” I said.
“Are the others here?” Daniel asked.
“I don’t know, I can’t- wait, there! Renee and Jesse!” I said, pointing towards the band kids. Our friends were there, both wearing shirts from the marching band show two years ago. Daniel and I stood in silence for a moment.
“They’re gone, aren’t they,” he said.
“Looks like it,” I said. And so it was for our other friends. All had found one group or another to affiliate with, and the tight-knit clusters left enough space in between groups for a rhinoceros to walk through.
“I feel like an explorer,” Daniel said as we walked by, unnoticed by the crowds, “or one of those documentary hosts. It’s like they’re a different species.”
“It’s creepy,” I agreed.
When the bell rang, we walked through the crowds without talking. Again, for a moment, I could almost believe that high school was normal, with the sea of people pressing through the halls. But when I got to Psych, my classmates were there, all ready, as if they hadn’t moved since yesterday.
“Good morning,” Ms. Moore said, after the bell rang. “Let’s have another one of these attentive days, shall we?” She seemed harried, more tired than yesterday, and I wondered how the story was affecting the teachers. But the thought vanished as she handed out a pop quiz on yesterday’s notes. Even in teen books, teachers take grades, I thought with a sigh.
The new divisions of teen stereotypes continued at lunch.
“Look on the bright side,” Daniel said, “it’s less of a joke than yesterday. Maybe by the end of the week all this will be normal.”
“Hey guys,” Samantha said, sitting down with us and taking out her lunch as if nothing had happened. I stared again. She was as polished and pretty as yesterday, with an even better outfit- and a purse. Samantha never carries a purse. Her pockets are always big enough for whatever she needs.
“Hi Samantha,” Daniel said. I shot him a look, and he shrugged, as if to say, it’s worth a try.
“Stop calling me that,” she sighed.
“What, your name?” I asked.
“You know I hate that- it’s Sammy,” she said.
“Um, no,” I said, as Daniel snorted derisively. “You told us that you think Sammy sounds like the peppy cheerleader that everyone wants to shoot.” Samantha- or Sammy- laughed.
“Mary, Mary, Mary,” she said, shaking her head. “Always with the insults.”
“Oh don’t even get me started,” I snapped.
“Hold up here,” Daniel said, leaning forward and placing his hands between us. “Let’s not start attacking each other, okay?” He glared mainly at me, which I thought was unfair, and I opened my mouth to say so.
“Sorry Daniel,” Sammy said. “I’ll try to keep my temper in line.” Daniel had the nerve to laugh. I couldn’t. It was exactly the sort of thing peaceful, laid-back Samantha would say, but this wannabe protagonist Sammy just made me want to slap her. Even in our monthly religious debates, Samantha and I had never-
I realized then that Sammy wasn’t wearing her cross necklace.
“Where’s your necklace?” I asked.
“My what?” she asked.
“Your cross necklace? You know, the one that I’ve threatened to burn on numerous occasions? The one that I say represents the greatest delusion of society?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but there’s no need to shout,” she said. She looked mildly annoyed, as if I was some sort of insect. “If you’re going to be like this, I’ll just go sit somewhere else.”
“Fine by me!”
“Mary,” Daniel warned, but Sammy had already stood up and strutted off in a huff.
“What?” I snapped at Daniel. “That wasn’t Samantha, whatever that stupid story has done to her.”
“You’re not the only person here who misses Samantha, okay?” he shot back. “Get over yourself. Now why did she stop wearing her cross necklace?”
“Because...” I stopped and thought. None of the teen books ever mentioned religion, did they? Of course, that was just it. “There’s no religion in teen novels.”
“What, atheism?”
“No, just... no religion. No theism or atheism. The characters are too shallow to care,” I snarled, glaring off at the crowd.
“I never thought I’d see you angry over a lack of religion,” Daniel said, smirking despite everything.
“Of course! Without religion, I’ve got nothing to routinely explode at,” I said, trying to match his tone. “This frees up more of my anger for dealing with this ridiculous situation.”
“Excellent! Whoever is behind this should probably surrender now,” Daniel said. “I would. Do we have any clue who they are yet?”
“No,” I groaned.
“Maybe someone who wanted to get out of the Statistics test,” Daniel said, straight faced.
“You had a Stats test?” I asked.
“It was scheduled for today, but since all of the classes are meaningless now, we didn’t have a test.”
“That’s odd,” I said. “We had a pop quiz in Psychology.”
“Really?” Daniel said. “What on?”
“The stuff we learned yesterday- the Stanford Prison experiment.”
“Wait, you’ve been learning things in class since all this craziness began?”
“Just in Psychology,” I said. We looked at each other, and the flash of understanding hit us at the same time. “But... could it be Ms. Moore? She’s an awesome teacher,” I said. “I can’t see her starting something like this.”
“It’s the only lead we’ve got,” Daniel said.
Usually, teachers and cops patrol the edges of the courtyard to make sure we teenagers don’t run off and skip lunch. But today, nobody stopped us as we entered the empty building and walked quickly towards Ms. Moore’s room.
Ms. Moore was at her desk, apparently grading papers. She looked up and smiled when we came in.
“Hello Mary. What can I do for you?”
“Um...” I hesitated. How exactly should one accuse a teacher of witchcraft?
“We were wondering if you had noticed anything odd around campus lately,” Daniel supplied.
“Yes, odd,” Ms. Moore said. “Unfortunately it’s odd. Students are paying attention in class, not a one of them has come in texting during class, or complaining about homework and grade curves. Why couldn’t students be this way all the time?” She smiled, as if she was listening to a funny joke we couldn’t hear. I started.
“Have you even been outside the classroom?” I asked, all normal etiquette forgotten.
“Yes, I have. And what is wrong with it?”
“Everything! People are behaving like zombies, forming these cliques of identical brainless morons,” I said.
“Confirmation bias, Mary,” Ms. Moore said. You see what you think you will see. Have you tried to talk to any of these people?”
“Samantha,” I said. “She’s not even herself anymore.’
“How do you know?” Ms. Moore asked. “What makes you think you know anyone else’s mind?”
“We’ve known each other for ten years!”
“Hang on,” Daniel said, stepping forward. “I’d just like some things cleared up here.”
“Carry on,” Ms. Moore said.
“Are you responsible for all this?”
“Not precisely. It’s a story, you see. Stories have power. You should know that, Mary. People want to believe in stories.”
“But this is a stupid one!” I said.
“Hear me out. Has it occurred to you that you might be the only one this committed to controversy? That you have defied the story simply because it’s in your nature and yours alone? Everyone else is perfectly happy.”
“Because you’ve brainwashed them!” I cried, my voice almost cracking.
“Nonsense. This is a very kind story. It’s simply removed all need for worry about the higher things in life.”
“You can’t just make the world go away,” Daniel said.
“Of course not. I’ve taken the story away from the world.” We stared. She smiled. “Everyone plays out the roles that they want to play. Those who wish to be popular will be so. Those who wish to be musical have that wish granted as well. Those who need something to be angry at will get their wish too.”
“You’ll never-” I began, but stopped.
“Were you seriously about to say ‘You’ll never get away with this?’” Daniel asked.
“See? Stories again. Go back to lunch, Mary. I’m sure fighting a losing battle takes energy,” said Ms. Moore.
“I’m not going to lose,” I said through clenched teeth.
“If it’s any consolation, you got a 95 on today’s quiz,” she said. I turned on my heel and stormed out of the classroom, Daniel walking behind.
“So what are we going to do now?” he asked.
“For the moment, I’m going to go and eat my lunch,” I said. “Then we attack with knowledge and sensibility.”
“Excellent plan,” Daniel said. “It would be a shame to let those chocolate chip cookies you pack go to waste.” I groaned.
That afternoon we spent planning, and the next day we came to school armed with newspaper and magazine cutouts. On every wall in the school we placed the latest news: politics, natural disasters, science, and a few editorials. Our bold and daring action earned us a trip to the assistant principal’s office, where he lectured us on our blatant rule breaking, since every posted notice had to be approved by the office first. All of the articles were gone by the end of first period.
Classes again were a blur, but one thing was certain: Jessica Roman had broken up with Jake Richardson on Monday. Clearly this bit of gossip was important to the plot, but how everyone knew this, I didn’t know. Barely anyone knew Jessica, and Jake was nowhere near that well-known.
“Did you hear about Jessica and Jake breaking up?” Sammy asked as she sat down at lunch, today in a very nice blue ensemble. She had even changed her nail polish to match her clothes.
“Unfortunately yes,” Daniel said.
“And now this leaves the way open for you to miraculously end up dating Jake by the end of the week,” I said to Sammy, hoping that breaking the fourth wall would somehow save her.
“Huh?” Daniel said.
“It makes sense- she has to end up with him either at the lake party or before the lake party. People are still talking about that,” I said. Sammy happily ate her sandwich, oblivious to any plot development going on around her.
That night Daniel hacked into the computer system of the school in order to change the morning’s announcements, again inserting problematic news and anything we knew that could shake the school out of its stupor. All we got was an announcement Thursday morning offering a reward for information on the vandals who hacked the system.
“It’s like the story is protecting itself,” I grumbled at lunch. “There’s got to be some way to get through to people.”
“Maybe we’re going around this the wrong way,” Daniel said. “News is all very well, but lack of news isn’t the point of those books, is it?”
“Of course not- true love and accepting your friends and all that nonsense is the basis of the books.”
“We could try shunning Samantha, or talking to any of the others,” Daniel said gloomily. Any previous attempts at talking to our other friends had resulted in quick rebuffs from the cliques, so I shook my head. We sat like that in gloomy silence until Sammy showed up, grinning like the Cheshire Cat.
“You’ll never believe what just happened,” she said.
“Try us,” I said.
“Jake and I are going out!” Daniel looked surprised, I saw, but I wasn’t. It was just one more nail into the coffin.
“That was quick,” I said. “He got dumped what, Monday?”
“Does this usually happen?” Daniel asked.
“Yeah, didn’t I tell you? She hooks up with the “popular” guy, and then it turns out that he was just being a jerk. Probably for revenge this time,” I said. For once, Sammy seemed to get the gist of what I was saying.
“You’re wrong,” she snapped. “Jake likes me, and you’re just jealous.”
“Jealous? Were you born yesterday? Any fool can see how this plot is going,” I said. “You’re just too oblivious to figure it out.”
“You never cared about me,” Sammy cried, apropos to nothing. “All I want is to see what it’s like to be popular, for once, and you freaks won’t let me!” We were silent for a second.
“Is dialogue like that really used in those books?” Daniel asked, without a smile.
“Yeah,” I said, my shoulders slumped. It looked like not even a shadow of Samantha was left.
“I’m leaving,” Sammy said. The story had to go on, even if we wouldn’t play along with it. She stood up and flounced off. Yes, flounced. I turned back to the table and began idly stabbing it with my pencil.
“Now what?” Daniel asked.
“Now she and Jake go on a date together, and she’ll realize that he’s only dating her to get back at Jessica. Then she’ll come back groveling for forgiveness, and realize that she’s madly in love with you instead, and you two will date and live happily ever after.”
“Joy,” Daniel said, sounding every inch as bitter as I was. He picked up another twig and began idly fencing with me, which we continued for a minute until my twig snapped in two. “And that’s how it ends?”
“Yep, that’s it,” I said. “Unless there’s a sequel.”
“There are sequels to these things?”
“Unfortunately, sometimes,” I said, smiling a bit at the look on his face.
“All the more reason for us to end it now,” he said, shaking his head. “Any more ideas?”
“No,” I said, flinging my twigs off across the courtyard in frustration. “All I know is the lake party tomorrow is the key to the plot, but how can you stop a party?”
“Maybe we don’t have to,” Daniel said. “We could go there.”
“And then what?”
“We’ll think of something,” he said. “Come on, Mary, don’t give up now.”
“Giving up? I’m not giving up,” I snapped. “You think I’d quit?”
“Of course not,” Daniel said, putting his hands up in defense. “No biting my head off, now. Then Sammy dearest will never get her happy ending.”
Friday morning as I was walking out of the classroom, Ms. Moore stopped me. “Are you going to the lake party tonight, Mary?” she asked.
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I said with a grimace. She chuckled.
“May the best woman win, Mary. I’ve enjoyed watching this.” She sounded sincere.
“Er, thanks,” I said. I turned and walked out.
Sammy didn’t come over to us at lunch, which gave us plenty of time to plan. Unfortunately, the best we could come up with was hijacking Sammy and tying her up somewhere until she came back to her senses.
“We’ll think up something when we get there,” I said as the bell rang.
“Oh good. Spontaneity,” said Daniel. “That’s the best kind of plan.”
The lake party was due to start at nine, so at eight-thirty I left the house to meet up with Daniel. We parked along the street a short distance away from the main lake parking lot, which was already full to bursting.
“You say no cops are going to bust this gathering, even though it’s so obvious?” Daniel asked.
“Right. No teen party is ever broken up for blatant underage drinking,” I said. “And no teen ever passes out from drinking either.”
“Shame on those authors,” Daniel said, shaking his head in mock sorrow. “What are they teaching kids these days anyway?”
We found the party by sound and sight. On one of the beaches along the lakeshore, someone had set up a giant bonfire, and at the tree line a giant loudspeaker was pounding out some incoherent rap. It looked like half the high school was out dancing around the bonfire and drinking. Surprisingly nobody seemed to be burned yet.
“Did you bring any marshmallows?” Daniel asked. “That would’ve been nice.”
“You’re not helping. Find Samantha,” I ordered.
“Yes, your majesty,” he muttered, scanning the crowd. “How, exactly?” With only the firelight to help, the press of bodies was impenetrable.
“I’ll climb a tree or something,” I said. “Just get down by the lake, maybe. Not many people are down there.” I guessed the story had something against people swimming. It was a warm night.
Daniel wandered around the fringe of the dancing, still looking. I found a likely-looking tree close to the water’s edge and the party’s edge and scaled a few branches until I could see over the heads of the crowd.
Sammy was dancing with Jake between my tree and the fire, with a small ring of space between them and the indistinguishable crowd. She really did look happy, and I had to remind myself that she normally has all the grace and dancing ability of a concussed musk ox. Daniel waved at me from the lakeshore and shrugged; I signaled thumbs-up back. He stood awkwardly by the shore as I turned my attention back to Sammy.
Jessica pushed her way through the crowd until she stood in the ring of space, watching Jake and Sammy. I could see that the story had taken over Jessica’s wardrobe too; she looked even more fashionable than the new Samantha. She marched for all of one foot until she was next to Jake, and she began to talk.
I couldn’t hear what she said, but she looked mad. Jake threw his arm around Sammy and jerked her closer, gesturing at Jessica. They were shouting. I heard a few insults even from my tree, as if the entire party had turned down the volume for the benefit of the central plot. Jessica stormed off into the crowd, and I could see a tear- yes, one lone tear- running down her cheek as she pushed away. Sammy turned to Jake and stepped away, innocent and horrified. Now they began to fight, and again the party volume turned down, enough for me to hear her shout, “You used me!” at Jake. He stepped closer, attempting to console her. I couldn’t hear him, but she shouted “It’s over,” and began to stomp away through the crowd, which parted like the Red Sea until she reached the shore of the lake. Jake faded away into the crowd.
Now it begins, I thought sadly. The setting really was perfect- it looked like a full moon, and the lake was alive with the sounds of frogs singing. Water lapped gently onto the beach by Daniel’s feet as he turned and waved at Sammy. She waved back, smiling sadly, and stood beside him, gazing out at the shimmering water. It was enough to make me gag. I busied myself shifting to a more convenient spot on the tree. Fortunately, the party had once again quieted, since it had effectively ceased to matter in the plot.
Sammy spoke first.
“I’ve been so stupid,” she said.
“Yes,” Daniel agreed. He could see, as I could, that she was still under the story. She continued talking as if she hadn’t heard.
“Jake is a jerk. I know that now. But for those days, I thought... I thought I could be special, that I could be different. But I guess I should have just realized that what I had is what I wanted,” she said. She glanced over towards Daniel. “Daniel... I...”
“Look, this might be a bad time to bring this up,” he said, “but I don’t love you.” Sammy whirled towards him, shocked. So was I.
“But... is it because I’ve changed for Jake? I’m over that now! I don’t think you’re a freak, really!”
“Comforting as that is to hear, it doesn’t matter. You’re a great friend, but I wouldn’t date you.” I thought I would fall out of the tree in shock. A guy keeled over drunk below my tree, but I was pretty sure that was coincidence.
“Well this is awkward, then,” Sammy said, crestfallen, rubbing her head.
“Don’t get like that,” Daniel said. He was out of his comfort zone here, shifting from foot to foot, but he sounded sincere enough. “We can still be friends, yeah?”
“Yeah, of course... but...” she seemed distracted now. Her right hand moved towards her collarbone, and she looked down in confusion when her hand didn’t touch the familiar cross pendant. “I thought...”
“Very little for the past week,” Daniel interjected. She looked up, blinking. I heard sirens in the distance, very faint over the noise of the party. Samantha said something back, but I couldn’t hear, and I looked behind me. The sirens were getting louder, and I could see lights flashing through the trees. The cops? Really? Yes, the lights were definitely blue, and coming from all directions. A few teens on the fringes of the party noticed too, those who were slightly less drunk, at least. I swung down from the tree, landed hard on one foot, and hopped over to my friends.
“Hate to break up this wonderful romantic exchange, but we’re surrounded,” I said cheerfully, holding my stubbed foot.
“What??” Daniel and Samantha said, looking around past me.
“Cops, coming in from all sides.” Sure enough, the party was breaking up with the haste of the guilty, but I could just make out the half-dozen cop cars.
“Nooo,” Samantha moaned, “What’ll we do? If my parents hear I’m caught at a drunken party- and in this,” she added, plucking at her clothes. She looked around and scanned the trees. “We can’t get out.”
“They are coming,” Daniel intoned.
“This is no time for the Lord of the Rings!” Samantha snapped.
“Of course we can leave,” I said, “Just think outside the box. And try not to scream.”
“Wha-” Daniel and Samantha’s confusion was cut off as I pulled them both with me into the lake.
“Now quick, before the police close in,” I ordered, doing a silent breaststroke away and down the shoreline. Samantha caught up with me easily.
“Mary, if we die of hypothermia, I’m going to kill you,” she whispered.
“You’re welcome.” We all ducked underwater for a few seconds as a lone flashlight scanned the water. I watched the surface with slit eyes and surfaced as soon as it was dark again. The night really was a lot chillier now that I was sopping wet, but I wasn’t about to admit that.
When we reached a deserted part of the shoreline, we clambered out, dripping and sodden.
“And now that we’re all soaking wet and lost in the wilderness, would you two geniuses mind explaining to me what the heck is going on?” Samantha demanded, wringing water out of her low-cut shirt. “Where are we? Why am I in these clothes?”
“You might not believe us,” I said, likewise wringing water out of my hair. “It’ll stretch the imagination.”
“I’m dressed like a department store dummy and you, of all people, just pushed me into a lake to escape from cops. I’m prepared to believe anything.”
So we told her. She flinched at some parts, and blushed- at least I think she did, it was too dark to tell- and asked a few questions. When we stopped, she was nodding thoughtfully.
“It feels like a dream, sort of,” she said. “I can just remember bits and pieces. Like you rejecting me,” she said to Daniel. He shifted uncomfortably, but she was smiling. “Hey, no worries, you got us out of that hideous story.”
“So a lack of true love saved the day?” I asked with a laugh. Daniel grinned at me.
“Something like that,” he agreed.
“Enough sitting around these woods,” Samantha said. “Let’s get home and start living happily ever after.”
“Assuming we can find our way out, of course,” Daniel said.
“Stop being such a pessimist. Come on, I’ll race you!” she cried, taking off into the night, shoes squelching on leaves and twigs. We ran after her, laughing, cold, wet, and happy. Not for ever after, but for the moment, and that was enough.
*applauds madly*