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Post by Zylaa on Jun 12, 2007 12:36:16 GMT -5
((Moved from Refrigerator Door because I realized that this was where I should put contests))
I have noticed recently that bad fantasy authors tend to make the stupidest little things ominous. Perhaps anything can be made ominous if it is said in the right context, e.g. "Today I ate toast for breakfast," he said quietly as the rushing wind sent his black cloak billowing into the shadowy night.
Therefore, I have devised this context. Your challenge is to make the least ominous thing of all sound ominous: advertising slogans. These don't have to be any specific slogans, just like "Tastes great! Less filling!" "Now with 100% more glucose!" etc.
The advertising phrases must be relevantly ominous- you can't have a shadowy figure appear from nowhere, cry out "Good news! I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance!" and then vanish- unless the viewer of said shadowy person is eaten by a monstrous gecko.
To sum up: Write a short storything where the protagonist encounters an advertising slogan convincingly used in an ominous manner.
The winner gets something spiffy, probably a custom title.
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Elycien
Young Farmboy/girl
Posts: 120
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Post by Elycien on Aug 13, 2007 15:29:07 GMT -5
What the hey, this has been here two months and I'm bored. XD
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It was a dark but not very stormy night. It was merely drizzling, which the mysterious shadowy figure in the darkness felt was quite a disappointment. His evil plan would begin that very night... but it seemed the weather forecast had been wrong once again.
"The weather man will be the first to die," his evil voice hissed from the shadows, simply dripping with shadowy darkness.
But young Mary McCheeseypants failed to notice the figure in the darkness as she walked happily down the alley, completely ignoring the ominous feeling that was saturating the drizzly darkness. She was intent on only one thing: when she got home, her family would have cheese for dinner. The McCheeseypants family loved cheese. They had moved to Wisconsin just so they could have cheese whenever they wanted. Her father now worked in a cheese warehouse, and her mother worked for a cheese store. Her big brother was going to go to college to learn how to be a cheese farmer. They were all very happy.
Suddenly, she found that her path was blocked by a mysterious dark stranger in a long, billowing black cloak. He let out an evil laugh, which went like this: "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Mary McCheeseypants was very frightened indeed. She clutched the little bag she carried, which was filled with cheese of every description. "W-who are you?"
"Who am I, you ask?" said the dark figure, very darkly. "I... am soon to be come the master of all cheese!" He let out another evil laugh, which was very similar to the first. "You can join me if you wish," he whispered menacingly. "You will have all the cheese you could ever want... if you will just give me the cheese you hold in your hands!"
"But that doesn't make sense," said Mary. "If I could have all the cheese I ever want - I mean, what if I told you that I want this cheese? And then you could go get some other cheese that I don't want. And what if I said, I want all the cheese in the world? That would either completely undermine your operation or force you to break your promise to me, and then I would probably go off angry and disillusioned and become your arch-enemy destined to defeat you."
The evil, shadowy figure stared. Evilly.
To his credit, he recovered admirably. "I take that as a no," he sneered. "Very well then! I shall crush you and your pathetic cheese stores like a gnat!"
"What do you want all the cheese for, anyway?" Mary asked curiously, her hand reaching to her back pocket where she kept the pepper spray.
"I shall found a store," said the dark man, his eyes glittering with darkness and evil. "I shall stock it with all the world's cheese..." He lowered his voice to a dark, evil whisper. "Pre-order today, and receive 40% off... but continue to support the puny mortal stores you now frequent, and DI-AAAAARGH! MY EYES!"
Quickly stowing the pepper spray back in her pocket, Mary ran like any good little girl would, feeling severely weirded out. After all, her dad had always told her not to talk to crazy strangers.
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Post by Xicrog on Aug 13, 2007 15:58:54 GMT -5
Could we hold off before giving Ely the Default Winner Award? I'm working on something right now...it's about V8 juice. And superheroes. Yes.
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Post by Zylaa on Aug 13, 2007 18:46:34 GMT -5
XD Very nice, Elycien.
I will hold off, yes. I have waited months, I can wait longer.
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